For whatever reason I have a ton of energy around this idea of what makes me mad. Remembering the stomping mat I wrote about last week has made it easier to get stirred up on some things that make me mad, and I’m going to do more with that theme after Easter.
Right now, I’m just mad at myself… frustrated that again I did not recognize what has been happening the last few days. As I write this, I am out in San Diego preparing a Rogue event for pastors and business leaders who will be traveling from all over the country. The last few days leading up to this have been tough. I have struggled with depression. I felt frustrated and restless, and I just could not focus. Most of all I just felt discouraged—I mean really discouraged, the kind of discouragement that makes it hard to get moving. I was doing a ton of doubting why I do all these RHYTHMinTWENTY and Rogue events.
As I was on the plane I was reminded how this happens every time we do one of these events. We have done almost twenty-five of these gatherings now. Pastors and business leaders, gathering and hoping to restore that passionate pursuit of God that made them dangerous in the first place. There is no doubt we have an enemy who does not want this to happen; an enemy who wants to discourage us, neutralize us, and make us useless. We don’t talk enough about the fact that this is a fight, and we have a enemy who wants to take us out and render us useless. And if we do talk about this idea of spiritual warfare, we sure do not live day to day like we believe it. At least I don’t. But I am reminded today that I am in a real struggle. Every time ahead of these events—I mean every single time—I feel weak, tired, discouraged, disappointed.
Again I am awakened to the reality of what is happening. I am mad—mad at myself for not recognizing it and wasting the last couple of days, mad at an enemy who wants to discourage, disappoint, and destroy. Now that I have remembered, I feel more alive and ready for whatever God has in store. I am ready to engage in this fight for these guys who are traveling here.
I think there really is something to this idea of what makes you mad. It has helped wake me up today. It’s helped reconnect me with what I’m passionate about. Let’s do this.
Thanks Tim,
I appreciate your transperency. Not many leaders are able to share their struggles. This prompted me to see my biggest struggle lately. With me it is the lack of patience I have with myself. I just don’t perform as well, as quickly or as joyfully as I think I should. I am getting older and am coming to realize all that comes with it, so I too am in a battle with the one who keeps telling me I am not good enough anymore or that I am not qualified or I just can’t cut it. How discouraging.
Let’s indeed do it!
Go get em team! Praying for the coming days. May the madness push through to brilliance.
I’d say you did it. Little did we know the battle would start with just getting home.